5. The Twat. The icing on the cake! He has again been prowling around, making a nuisance of himself. We can feel it in our bones as if we are still some way connected. He has been calling the police, the schools, social care. he wants our address. he’s not aloud our address. But it takes one gullible person to make a mistake and we are back in the nightmare once again. After taking some advice (from Woman’s aid) I have contacted the police. I’m afraid to say that, that alone has taken me a week. The idea of contacting the police with the expectation of them doing anything at all except turn up at our house unexpectedly, take statement, do nothing, and then as has happened in the past, believe his lies, fills me with dread! I know it’s different this time. We have a piece of paper with court order on it, stating ‘no direct contact’. But in the past I had a piece of paper with ‘non molestation order ‘ on it. Which banned him from making any contact with me. he did, the police investigated, then the CPS wouldn’t pursue. So before making contact this time I decided to read through the court bundle I have. This included paperwork from 7 or 8 years ago now. It also contains hundreds of ‘storm logs’ from the police. These are transcripts of all the action they have taken. Some of it I hadn’t really read before. It’s is all too depressing. But yesterday I did. I realised ‘inhindsite’ that we had been referred to the Domestic violence unit on at least 3 different occasions – however there was no follow up. It also shows other arrests for the twat (obviously no detail given) It shows ALL the allegations made about me and my family. It shows all the outcome (malicious allegations) It shows a call I made when he was violent – it states the call was cut off. It also states that they called back and spoke to the twat who stated that there wasn’t a problem. It shows that they then asked me if I was ok. I said I was – he was standing over me, what else could I say? Its recorded as NFA. It shows CAFCASS reports (the body who work with the family court to ascertain the wishes and feeling of the child) where all my children describe domestic abuse. it shows police referrals due to ‘escalation’ of domestic abuse. But it doesn’t show ANY support! Nothing! I didn’t know we had been referred, I didn’t know there was help out there. I was alone. I didn’t know anyone, as far as I was aware, who had gone through anything similar. I wasn’t advised to press charges – I wasn’t advised at all. I remember long conversation with police officers, saying to me that everything was so hard to prove, and that CPS will only prosecute if a conviction is likely. By the Twat is a compulsive liar, he lives in a parallel world where he is I the right, all the time and without fail. I even read a statement claiming that I had been violent towards him and my children. It has made my blood boil. That no one put together the pieces, that no one explained anything, that we were left to fight a controlling and abusive man who had the system on his side because I didn’t know what I could report. And due to that it has ended with all of us in therapy,20K worse off and him STILL trying to find us! Can no one see the inevitability of the outcome? I can. And it scares the shit out of me! Nothing is cross referenced, no patterns are seen. This is how people die, or get beaten, or have their children abused. Because nobody sees the pattern. So instead of calling 101, I have emailed a DCI – including every crime reference number I have (there are a lot). I have asked him what to do. I wonder if I will get a reply – we shall see!
6.To end on a positive note my babies are doing brilliantly! To try and take something good from our chequered past can be hard BUT I do believe that we are stronger for it. We are more knowledgeable, more worldly wise and more aware. We are more empathetic and open to the needs of others. We are strong. Despite our various mental health and physical illnesses, we are living a good life (admittedly cold and with dodgy coloured hair) but we are living. Tabitha has stormed through the UCAS application process and after having a horrendous few years of anxiety depression and school has managed to secure an unconditional offer to Uni! Go Girl – she nailed the interview outstandingly and I am so proud of her. Angel is continuing her long road to recovery and is taking small steps back into a teenage type social life (although I’m pretty sure that I’m still her best friend)! And Tom is becoming a bigger little man! He spends his spare time playing outdoors with his friends, skateboarding and generally having fun! he seems to be becoming unusually attached to extremely expensive shoes – but if that’s his only vice at the moment I’m happy to oblige! he did have a scare whilst out playing – he though he saw his father. He was scared and he cried and hid with his friends, but he managed it, without me, which is a massive achievement for my little big man!